Set Boundaries with Your Teen
Every teen can benefit from parents who set boundaries that match their growing maturity. This helps them develop the critical skill of self-control and supports them as they navigate their path to independence.
Tips for Setting Boundaries:
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Start with love. Begin conversations about limits positively, expressing care. Help teens understand that boundaries are for their safety, you love them, and it’s your job to keep them safe.
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Start early. Establish boundaries consistently from a young age. As they grow, loosen boundaries based on their responsibility and judgment. Children thrive when they have boundaries and understand what the limits and expectations are.
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Timing is key. Choose a calm time to discuss limits, not when you are angry or excited. Level-headed discussions lead to better understanding.
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Understand privileges vs. rights. Explain that food, clothing, and housing are rights, while staying out late and using a cellphone are privileges. Consequences should relate to whatever the issues are. Food, clothing, and housing are never used as a punishment, but privileges can be taken away.
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Be willing to negotiate. Ask for your teen’s input on boundaries and be flexible to a point. When teens have a say regarding the boundaries, they are more likely to follow them. Remember that safety and morality are non-negotiable.
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Practice what you preach. Demonstrate living within limits. Setting an example helps teens accept their own boundaries.
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Follow through with consequences. Allow natural consequences and stick to established consequences for broken rules. This reinforces the importance of boundaries.
With thoughtful communication, you can set effective boundaries that help your teens explore safely.
Raising a teenager can be challenging, but boundaries are helpful. To learn more tips and strategies for parenting children who are 10 to 18 years old, register for the free online Branch Out parenting program at thrive.psu.edu.
Through a collaboration between the Department of Defense’s Office of the Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Military Community and Family Policy (DoD MC&FP) and the Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness at Penn State, Thrive Initiative resources are available to military families.